


In it together... (whatever that means)

by SkywalkerUprising



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: A little bit of angst, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt, Ily K for that beautiful trope name, Injury, Kageyama cries a lot, Lowkey kinda cheesy, M/M, Memory Loss, So many tropes, foes to hoes, sorry - Freeform, tw: anxiety, tw: seizures, very tropey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:46:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29041101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkywalkerUprising/pseuds/SkywalkerUprising
Summary: “Kageyama? Where is Kageyama?” Voices started to ask, getting closer and closer to the door. Kageyama’s heart rate seemed to pick up with each foot that hit the ground, echoing just outside the tiny room. His grip on the boy’s hand got tighter again. “No.” He whispered, his body shaking.They were after him, the voices, the people, and he didn’t know why. Was Kageyama the boy next to him? Were they after him too? Maybe he would have someone who understood, someone to protect him from the loud pack of wolves.(OR: Kageyama loses his memory and Tsukki tries a new thing called 'being nice')
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 12
Kudos: 189





	In it together... (whatever that means)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, I hope everyone enjoys this, its got tropes on tropes and it's kinda cheesy, and it wasn't originally gonna be like this but, its the way the cookie crumbled and I ain't mad. Anyway, here *hands you the fic*.

A bright light.

Heads crowded above him... 

but who was  _ “him” _ ... who was he?

Kageyama came back to, quickly jumping away from the circle he was in the middle of, scrambling as far back from the crowd as possible. His vision was still blurred as he watched the blobs turn towards him. 

“Is he okay?” One of them mumbled, their voices slightly distorted. As if the fuzziness of his vision also applied to his hearing. 

Fuzzy, they were all fuzzy.

He got up, his breath uneven as he began blinking rapidly, as if it would help to rid his eyes of the fog and confusion. He started into a sprint now, not knowing where he was going but anywhere was better than near a crowd of people he didn’t recognise. 

Come to think of it, he didn’t recognise where he was at all... he knew it was a gym, but why was he in the gym?

Big. It was all so big. But somehow despite this, Kageyama’s world felt infinitely small as he backed up into a storage room, closing the door and locking it.

He tried to catch his breath, partially from running but mostly due to the pure panic and adrenaline rushing through his body, a horrible pain shooting through his head like he had never felt before. He put a hand up to press against his temple.

“Uh... what are you doing?” A voice spoke up from the shadows behind him. It sounded irritated, with a hint of concern buried six feet beneath the irritation. Kageyama jumped at the sound, thinking he was alone.

“Please don’t hurt me.” Kageyama begged, crawling into a ball before backing himself into the tightest corner. It was all too much, unfamiliar, and overwhelming. 

“What? Why would I- whatever.” The boy continued, reaching a hand out to grab the door handle. Obviously he had intended to leave and expose Kageyama to the strange outside again. The outside that held the unfamiliar pack of wolves he had woken up to, who had hovered over him like he was the first meal they would have in weeks.

“No please.” Kageyama launched himself from the corner, gripping the tall boy’s hand tight. The boy looked down at the hand on his own, contemplating, confused. He tried to shake his grip but he only held on tighter.

“Kageyama? Where is Kageyama?” Voices started to ask, getting closer and closer to the door. Kageyama’s heart rate seemed to pick up with each foot that hit the ground, echoing just outside the tiny room. His grip on the boy’s hand got tighter again. “No.” He whispered, his body shaking. 

They were after him, the voices, the people, and he didn’t know why. Was Kageyama the boy next to him? Were they after him too? Maybe he would have someone who understood, someone to protect him from the loud pack of wolves.

“Please don’t let them in, I don’t know who they are.“

“Wh-“ The boy started before a knock on the door interrupted him mid thought. “Tsukki, is Kageyama in there?” One of them asked. His voice sounded kind enough but all Kageyama could remember were the looming faces looking down on him, waiting for him to wake up and face his doom. It was enough to make him shiver before looking up to the boy in glasses again, hoping that he would help. 

So the boy next to him wasn’t Kageyama, he was someone called Tsukki. Were they perhaps looking for someone else then? No, it was wishful thinking and he knew it. So then was he Kageyama?

Either way he pleaded with the stranger next to him. The tall blonde just looked confused, Kageyama guessed that made two of them. He was frowning too, thinking, before he eventually responded to the voices outside, “why?”

So he wouldn’t rat Kageyama out immediately.

“Because he had a really bad fall, while you were grabbing more equipment, and I think he might have hurt his head. It didn’t seem like he remembered any of us, he ran away scared. Yachi called for an ambulance.” 

Kageyama dropped his hand off of the other boy’s now. His head hanging down as he tried his hardest to recall what they were describing. A fall? He… didn’t remember a fall. He had lost his memories? He was supposed to remember those blurred faces? It didn’t make sense. “That makes more sense.” The boy next to him said, contrasting Kageyama’s thoughts. He exhaled and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Finally Kageyama lifted his head again, looking back up at the other boy. “Do you... know who I am?” The blonde asked hesitantly. If the people on the other side hadn’t heard him before, they would’ve heard him ask that question, and thus no one interrupted as Kageyama thought about his reply. 

Kageyama hesitated to answer before remembering the voice on the other side of the door, “Tsukki?”

“That’s just what Yamaguchi calls me, but nice try. What’s my full name?”

Kageyama looked back down, frowning as he tried his hardest to think. A name, give me a name to the face… please. He finally shook his head. The boy crossed his arms, something of a sympathetic look on his face, “Who are you?” He asked Kageyama.

“I- I think I’m Kageyama.”

“What high school do you go to?”

“I don’t know.”

“Age?”

“18?”

“Where are you right now?”

Kageyama looked around, “a storage room?”

“How are you still a smart ass even with your memory gone?”

Kageyama smirked ever so slightly before the heavier implications of what the boy had said washed over him. He really has lost his memory.

Tears welled up in his eyes, without knowing what he was truly crying for. He couldn’t remember what he had lost, yet he mourned for the memories Kageyama an hour ago might have held onto so dearly. Or the people he cared about, long forgotten. “Who are you?” Kageyama asked through the tears. 

The boy’s breath hitched before answering, “Tsukishima Kei, but you usually just call me an asshole, or lazy.” He shrugged, brushing off the insults like they were nothing but a normal nickname.

“I-I don’t like you?” Kageyama frowned.

Tsukishima shook his head, huffing an amused breath, “no, I wouldn’t say you do. Not particularly.”

He mulled this over for a moment before tilting his head, “I don’t know why. You don’t seem that bad.” He wiped a tear from his cheek with the back of his sweater, “d-do you hate me?”

“Hate is a strong word. I think... you’re egotistical, and a bit of an asshole but... no. I don’t hate you. I wouldn’t say I like you either though.” He explained.

“Oh...” 

“I’m sorry to disappoint, it probably would have been more comforting to have Yachi in here, or even Hinata.” He confessed, scoffing again before looking down into Kageyama’s eyes. It was the simple look of someone who was lost.

He didn’t recognise the names.

It was like finding a child who had just lost his parents in store. Afraid, confused...

... alone. 

“The ambulance is here Kageyama, will you please come see them?” A gentle voice behind the door asked. Maybe this was the Yachi that Tsukishima had mentioned, she sounded kind. 

Tsukishima reached out a hand again to open the door, and once again Kageyama stopped him. “I know that… maybe an hour ago you would have hated me, or not liked me, but I know your name and, you seem to know enough about me. I don’t know anyone out there, and I’m terrified, please… don’t leave me.”

He could tell just by looking at him that Tsukishima wanted to say no, the fire of whatever rivalry they had, still burning behind his eyes.  _ ‘Why should I?’ _ his eyes spoke. But his head moved against the will of that fire, and instead he gave a small nod, “you owe me.” he said.

Kageyama nodded back, moving his hand away from Tsukishima as it went for the door handle again. Kageyama positioned himself slightly behind Tuskishima, like a human shield, as the bright light from the gym poured in, and ten odd faces looked towards him. The light seemed to burn his eyes and make the headache worse, so he tried his best to look away, to cover himself from the brightness.

He didn’t want to look at them anyway, the anxiety in his stomach creeping up to his throat as he tried to move his gaze towards the back of Tsukishima’s shirt. “Guys move, you’re fucking freaking him out.” Tsukishima started to walk forwards, and so Kageyama followed, holding on slightly to the fabric of his shirt. “He’s so shy, weeeeird.” A small boy with ginger hair laughed slightly, he recognised him, but didn’t at the same time, unable to connect a name to the face.

He looked up at Tsukishima, but he didn’t look back at him, instead waving his hand towards everyone else, “he doesn’t seem to trust any of you, which is fair. So I’m gonna take him to the hospital and wait till his parents get there. Practice will probably be over so I’ll head home after.”

“Are you sure?”

“Whatever,” he shrugged, “plus I get to skip practice.” He joked, the others just sighed or scoffed, or gave an off hand comment about how he shouldn’t use something so serious to get out of practice. 

“Practicing what?”

“Huh?” One of the boys asked, he looked a year or two younger than Kageyama would be, his eyes wide. Kageyama just frowned again.

“Tsukishima said he would skip practice. What are you practicing?”

“Volleyball.” The smaller boy with orange hair spoke up, quieter this time. Compared to how positive and loud he had been minutes ago, the contrast was jarring as he looked on the verge of tears. Kageyama wished he could provide some sympathy.

“I play don’t I?” He asked sadly.

Most of them nodded.

“And you’re the team I play with?” He asked, connecting the dots.

They all nodded.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” The small girl with blonde hair offered a small smile, she must be Yachi, “we’re just glad you’re in one piece.”

Kageyama nodded. But he didn’t really feel like he was in one piece. Maybe physically, but mentally he was fractured into hundreds of pieces, trying to remember anything, absolutely anything as they headed towards the ambulance.

-

After five hours of waiting, and tedious questions and examinations, Kageyama was finally told that he would have to stay in the hospital overnight. Just to make sure that it wasn’t “something serious” as the doctors had said. But this did feel serious, so why wasn’t anyone taking it seriously?

_ “His memory should return in the next month, though permanently he might have a bit of short term memory loss every now and then, and there is a chance that some memories will never come back.” _

He had also spent the better half of the day either vomiting, coping with a horrible headache or dealing with small convulsions or seizures. They said such symptoms were ‘normal’ in a case like his, but it didn’t feel normal, it felt horrible, and he was exhausted, physically and mentally.

To distract himself from the pain, Kageyama found himself sat on the end of the bed, bouncing his legs as he felt determined to remember something that he hadn’t already been told. Every time he thought he would come close to figuring out his relationships with the others on the team, or remembering something about his past, or even something about his parents, the memories would just slip out of his reach. It was like trying to remember a word, it was on the tip of his tongue, yet his mind would go blank.

He cradled his head in his hands and gripped at his hair.

Infuriating.

“Hey.” Tsukishima spoke up from the armchair he had fallen asleep in, after Kageyama had thrown a fit about him leaving. He felt bad for keeping him there, for begging him not to leave. But he was the only  _ “familiar face _ ” he had. In the sense that he was the first person who talked to him, the only person that wasn’t crying about his memory loss, the only person who kept him grounded with his to-the-point answers. The only one who was even vaguely treating him like a normal human.

“The doctor told you not to strain yourself, you’re gonna burst a blood vessel over there.” He yawned, it was getting late now, around 10pm, but how could Kageyama possibly sleep? He flopped back on the bed, sighing as he started up at the plain ceiling, he imagined that’s probably what the inside of his head looked like right now. Blank. A void of nothing.

“Bursting a blood vessel doesn’t sound so bad if it means I can remember anything.” He said.

“It might just make things worse. Why are you trying so hard anyway? They will come back eventually, besides you can’t possibly miss what you don’t remember having.”

“Mmm, you’d think so, but it’s like…” He stopped, rolling onto his side and propping his head up on his arm to face Tsukishima, “It’s like someone is just poking me, taunting me, telling me to remember, like it should be so easy. Maybe it should be easy but I just… can’t. It’s so frustrating.”

Tsukishima hummed in response, it made sense. Kageyama rolled and flopped on his back again, the mattress bouncing ever so slightly under his fall. “I just… I look at you and I know that I should feel something, or know as much about you as you know about me, but there’s nothing.”

“Well, I can just tell you anything you want to know. I know it would be bias but, I can try my best to make it neutral?” 

“You would do that for me?”

“Does it look like I have anything else going on?” He snapped back, before taking a breath, “I have time, is what I mean. I don’t care.” It was barely less harsh than the first thing he said, but Kageyama appreciated the effort anyway. 

Kageyama rolled over again to face Tsukishima. “Give me a summary of me.”

“It’s going to be bias as fuck.”

“I don’t care.” He mimicked Tsukishima’s words, making him roll his eyes, before sitting up more in the chair, “fine, let’s see. You love volleyball, it’s pretty much your only personality trait. Mmm, you used to be seen as pretty controlling, a lot of people who played on your volleyball team in middle school couldn’t stand you because you were so bossy…”

“Oh.” Kageyama said sadly.

“But, you are talented, like, freaky talented, so… I think as well as them just being annoyed because you were controlling, they were probably also jealous… because you were usually right in what you were saying, you just weren’t good at putting it into words without sounding like a prick.” He said, not making eye contact with Kageyama. It made him smile slightly, amused at Tsukishima’s attempt to try to make him feel better. Kageyama wonders if he would have put in the effort to comfort him before he essentially became a different person. 

“Why do we hate each other?” He asked, now he couldn’t make eye contact either. 

“I said I didn’t hate you,” he pointed out before continuing, “I think we’re just too different. The only thing we really have in common is volleyball, but you’re a lot more into it than I am. I like volleyball but… I don’t know, you live and breathe volleyball.”

“I don’t like that reason.”

“Huh?”

“We’re too different and all we have in common is volleyball? Yachi said us getting along was a nice change from us yelling at each other when you called to update her. Said she was happy we weren’t at each other’s throats. There has to be more to it.”

“I don’t know what to tell you.”

“Why don’t you like me?”

“Want me to be honest?”

“Obviously.”

“Fine. I don’t like when you yell at me for not trying hard enough. Just because my definition of trying, isn’t your definition, doesn’t mean I’m not making an effort. Actually the way you talk to me in general isn’t exactly pleasant. I figured if you would talk to me like that then I would talk back. Plus I don’t really like people anyway, making friends, any of it, it seems pointless if they’re only going to disappoint you. Teammates are easier, you’re together for a purpose, to help each other win, no emotions involved really.”

“Hmm.” Kageyama hummed in response, contemplating the other boy’s answer to his question, “so I should talk nicer to you and you would talk nicer back? Then we would be friends?”

“Why do you even care if we’re friends or not?”

“Because you seem like someone I could trust. Not someone who is babying me because I can’t remember anything, and not someone who is lying to keep my feelings from being hurt. Plus I can tell you must care about me at least a little bit… deep down. Or you wouldn’t still be sitting here.” Kageyama finished, adding a small smile to the end of his sentence, finally looking back up at Tsukishima, who seemed determined to look at anything but Kageyama’s face as he sighed. “I can still get up and leave you know.” He said.

“But you won’t.”

“Keep up the cocky attitude and I will.” He rolled his eyes around to look at Kageyama, who was still smiling.

“Sure Tsukishima.”

“Whatever. Go to sleep weirdo.” Tsukishima rolled over in the chair huddling up in the small space that he had. It was honestly comical how his legs seemed to stick out from every direction and his body took up the entirety of the spare room on the chair. He was way too big for the small chair, yet he was willing to sleep there anyway. 

Kageyama sighed, feeling bad that he would have to lay there all night just because Kageyama asked him to. He rolled over onto his side, pulling the blankets up above his shoulder, looking off at the wall before he finally spoke up, “Hey Tsukishima?”

“Mmm?” He mumbled.

“That’s a pathetic sleeping arrangement for a lanky noodle like you-”

“Yes. Thank you for that reminder-”

“I wasn’t finished! So! Do you want to sleep up here… with me, in a not creepy way, just, in a ‘I don’t want you to cramp your legs up’ way? In a ‘thank you’ way?”

Tsukishima was quiet for a moment before a shuffling noise came from behind him on the chair. Maybe he had chosen to ignore him, and turned around the go to sleep, he wouldn’t blame him for doing that anyway. 

But instead he felt the bed behind him dip and a cold draft on his back as some of the covers were lifted. Finally, he felt a warm presence behind him and a small breath on his neck which gave him tiny shivers. He turned over, to come face to face with Tsukishima, who had his usual look of disinterest plastered across his face, but the words that came out of his mouth were borderline kind. “Thanks.” He said simply.

“Thanks for not leaving me alone Tsukishima.” He said in return, and if it weren’t for the lighting, he might have been able to see the small smile that formed on Tsukishima’s lips, before they both closed their eyes.

“You can just call me Tsukki. I know my name is a mouthful.”

“Goodnight Tsukki.”

“Night King.”

“King?”

“Mmm, it’s a nickname I call you, it’s not supposed to be a nice one, but I guess it’s just habit.”

“You can explain the meaning in the morning, for now, I like it.”

Tsukki scoffed, “Okay, goodnight then King.”

“Goodnight then Tsukki.”

-

It was late the next morning when the majority of the team had decided to come visit Kageyama in hospital. 

Kageyama and Tsukki had been sitting in the bed for most of the morning, either watching a movie or talking or playing whatever card games the nurse had brought in when they had asked for some.

“How have you never played uno?” Tsukki asked, sitting cross legged in front of Kageyama, with the stack of uno cards between them, their knees touching with the limited space for their bodies now that they were upright.

“Well I might have, but I can’t remember if I have. Either way I don’t know how to play.”

“Hopeless.”

“Rude.”

“Touche.” 

Kageyama huffed a laugh, the corner of his mouth twitching upwards as Tsukki set up for the game. Tsukki was just about to start explaining the rules when there was a knock at the door and the team came all at once. Kageyama could feel himself starting to feel anxious again at the amount of faces in the room that he had only met a day ago. The only ones that felt vaguely familiar were Yachi, Yamaguchi and Hinata. Yachi because she had called, and Hinata and Yamaguchi because Tsukki had explained a bit about them that morning. Plus they were all in his year level. 

Hinata was supposedly his closest friend but also biggest rival when it came to volleyball, so he still felt all together confused about their relationship. Yamaguchi was Tsukki’s best friend/ only friend as far as Kageyama could tell, but he seemed nice. “Woah, bit dark in here guys.”

Kageyama found himself shuffling more towards Tsukki again, lightly holding on to a piece of his sweater to ground himself a little. Tsukki took a deep breath, his body moving ever so slightly to shield more of Kageyama’s body from the staring teenagers. “You’re being freaky again and it’s dark because King’s sensitive to light right now.” Tsukki finally spoke, “did you all need to come at once? It’s a bit overwhelming.”

“Someone is being a bit protective.” Hinata scoffed.

“Asshole.” Tsukki mumbled, luckily too low for anyone but Kageyama to hear as Hinata got a small lecture and a smack on the back of the head from Yamaguchi. Kageyama looked up at Tsukki, did he really care that much about those sorts of comments?

“Anyway! Yes, we’re sorry to overwhelm you, everyone just wanted to see how you were doing, and to give you your homework for the three weeks that you’ll be off from school, so that you don’t fall behind.” Yachi smiled, handing him a folder full of sheets, it was thick, and Kageyama’s head was already throbbing from the thought of having to do any one of the sheets. 

“You also won’t be able to play volleyball for a while sadly, but uh, as soon as the doctor gives you the all clear you’ll be back to practicing, until then, just make sure you make a speedy recovery.”

Kageyama nodded, he was sure that he should have been devastated at this news, if his memories hadn’t been ripped away. For now he felt nothing, except sad for the him that would have been sad. “Uh, thank you.” He nodded finally.

“Do you know when you’ll be able to go home?” Hinata asked curiously, he looked sadder than the rest. Tsukki had told Kageyama about how him and Hinata had been a good team, how their quick attacks were largely feared or admired, or both. He wished he could say something of use, something comforting, but he had nothing. “Mmm, they think later today I should be fine to go home, as long as nothing changes.”

“Well that’s good at least!” Hinata said.

They continued to talk like this with the team, offering what little information they had before they were forced out of the room by nurses coming to check on Kageyama. He hadn’t realised he was holding his breath around them until they had walked out the door and Kageyama finally exhaled. 

“Are all volleyballers this tall and scary?” He asked Tsukki who had already picked up the uno cards again, getting ready to explain the rules to Kageyama as the nurses left them alone. “Pretty much yeah.” Tsukki smirked, making Kageyama smile back as he picked up his cards.

-

Tsukki absentmindedly packed up the small overnight bag that his Mum had brought him the night before to stay with Kageyama. He couldn’t believe there was a world where the two of them could get along like they had in the last 24 hours, but it was the one he was living. 

He wasn’t sure if he should feel bad about this fact or not, given that he was so different. Of course there were still more similarities than changes, but whatever the small changes were, it made it easy to be around him, borderline pleasant. He recalled sitting on the bed playing games for most of the day, they had watched half of the harry potter movies in the time that they had been together, though the tv was almost impossible to read given that they had to put the brightness so low for Kageyama’s eyes. 

He had apologised to Tsukki for having to have it so low, but he easily brushed off this apology, reminding him that he had seen all the movies more times than he could count.

Though not all of his time with Kageyama had been positive, between the trips to the bathroom so that he could throw up, leaving Tsukki to flicker his eyes over to the door every now and then, asking if he needed help. Or the times when Kageyama began to tear up due to the persistent headaches he couldn’t get rid of. 

Worst of all were the seizures. The first time it happened, Tsukki didn’t know what to do with himself, he had simply called a nurse and panicked as he realised there wasn’t much he could do. 

It was easier the second time, he had learnt from the first time that he should roll Kageyama over, and make sure that he wouldn’t hit anything around him. He had still called the nurse of course, but at least he wasn’t in a state of shock like the first time. At least he could help.

The most recent time, earlier that morning, he hadn’t needed the nurse, by the time they had got there Kageyama was fine again, sleeping in bed after he had found himself exhausted from moving around so violently. He was tired as is, considering he felt too scared to sleep, in the fear that he wouldn’t wake up.

“Right so, you should be all clear to go home with the medicine I gave to your Mum and the booklets that should help you through the next week. The only issue is the seizures or convulsions you’ve been having. While they should become less common it’s still important that you have someone around you at all times in the next few weeks, in case they happen.” The nurse explained.

“Well, my Mum works and my Dad is uh…” Kageyama drifted off, locking eyes with Tsukki, who immediately looked away again, “not around.” He finished.

“I can take time off work.” His Mum smiled sweetly.

“Mum you could barely handle seeing me vomit, how are you going to be able to-”

“I can, it’ll be fine.”

“But you need to work, who will-”

“It’s fine-”

“I’ll help.” Tsukki said before thinking, his voice cutting through the back and forth of mother and son. The room fell silent for a second after that and Tsukki felt his cheeks grow red as all attention was on him, something that he hated. “I can help, with the uh, seizures, it doesn’t phase me. That way his Mum can go to work, and I can help Kageyama with the homework he was given. Plus when he goes back to school there’s no saying if he will get one again, I’m in pretty much all his classes, and the volleyball team so… I’ll uh, be able to help… if I need to.”

“Tsukki you don’t have to.” Kageyama started, looking down at the floor.

“I know I don’t have to, but I can, so I should right? Plus my parents are never home so, it’s not like I’ll be missed.”

“You’ll still need permission from your parents and from Kageyama’s but if both parties agree I think that would be a great idea, it avoids you having to explain your circumstances everywhere you go if you have someone who already knows.” The nurse smiled sweetly.

“I guess that’s okay by me, if you’re sure. We can set up some sort of sleeping arrangement at home. What do you think Kageyama?”

Kageyama nodded, his eyes only flickering over to Tsukki who felt about as nervous about the situation as Kageyama looked. “I’ll call my parents now then.” Tsukki explained, excusing himself outside into the waiting room, taking out his phone to search for his Mum’s number, when the door to Kageyama’s room swung open again.

“You really don’t have to you know.” A voice came from beside him. Tsukki turned around to see Kageyama, his hands shoved in the pockets of his hoodie. “I told you, I know I don’t, but-”

“But it’s the right thing to do?” Kageyama asked, still looking down, kicking his feet at the floor. It was clear now that Kageyama was afraid that Tsukki was doing this as some sort of charity work. Tsukki frowned.

“But I want to.” He corrected.

Kageyama’s neck snapped up and he frowned, “you want to? Why?”

_ Sarcastic? Honest? Sarcastic? Honest? Sarcastic? Honest? _

Honest.

“King, you know what I do when I get home from school?” He shoved his phone back in his pocket.

“No?”

“I sit. I sit and study, or I sit and watch tv, or I sit and listen to music. My brother lives away from home, my mother and father both work an absurd amount and are always on business trips, and I am completely alone in a very large house. While I am mostly doing this for your benefit, it’s not just for yours, it’s for your Mum’s, it’s for the teams and it’s for me. Plus we have to finish the last few Harry Potter movies.” he finished, getting out his phone again to contact his Mum and forget about his borderline confession that he enjoyed his time with Kageyama, and was frankly more than happy to hang out with him more.

A hand grabbed his though, blocking the phone screen, and Tsukki looked at him to find Kageyama, his eyes glittering under the hospital lights. The very bright hospital lights.

“I can’t tell if you’re tearing up because of what I said or because of the lights in the room, which are brighter than you thought they would be.”

Kageyama quickly brought a hand over his eyes, squeezing onto Tsukki’s hand tighter, “bit of both.” He admitted.

Tsukki rolled his eyes, “come on.” He moved the phone from his hand and instead took Kageyama by the arm, guiding him back into the room, back into the dark, “I’ll be back in a second.” He said quietly, trying not to interrupt Kageyama’s Mum and the nurse who were still talking in the corner.

“Thank you Tsukki, for everything.”

Tsukki nodded, “sure.” He said, but there was no way to hide the warmth in his voice when he spoke to Kageyama now, or the small smile that would form on his lips each time they talked. 

What a pain.

-

Two weeks later and they had gotten into a routine of sorts.

**7am:** Tsukki would wake up and make them both coffee and toast, maybe cereal if they were extra hungry.

**8am:** He would wake up Kageyama who had become the world’s deepest sleeper.

**9am-1pm:** They would study, or attempt to study while Tsukki filled him in on various things Kageyama had forgotten.

**1pm:** Lunch. They would both go down into the kitchen and Tsukki would make them some sort of lunch, he was a surprisingly good cook.

**2pm:** They would sit and eat lunch. Kageyama would think about the work that went into the lunch, and how much he enjoyed watching Tsukki make food. He made it look easy, almost majestic as he seemed to know just what to do. His hips swivled as he moved from the chopping board to the stove and then back again, taking a sip of water when the heat would suddenly get to him. Every now and then he would miss his mouth, getting too caught up trying to move too fast.

**2:10pm:** Kageyama would stop thinking about that and return to whatever Tsukki was talking to him about over lunch.  _ Shit. _

**3pm:** Games time. Video games or board games and music. Tsukki especially loved this time, he loved listening to his own music, and whatever new songs Kageyama had found. He watched Kageyama hum the song, or sometimes sing it. Tsukki would just watch, mesmerized by his mouth, and the way he seemed to enjoy Tsukki’s taste in music, as reluctant as Tsukki had been to share it in the first place.

**3:10pm:** Tsukki would stop thinking about that and return to the game that he had zoned out of while playing.  _ Fuck. _

**6pm:** Dinner time. Kageyama’s Mum would typically be home, serving dinner and asking the both of them how their days had been, asking Tsukki for updates on Kageyama, but he was there, he could have answered them… 

“Go on. How’s yah head?” Tsukki would without fail turn to him and ask, he knew Kageyama hated to be babied, and would never answer for him. 

**6:30pm:** Movie time. They had taken to watching a new movie each night and then rating them in Tsukki’s English writing book, usually they would agree, but every now and then there would be a fight about their individual stubborn opinions.

**9:30pm:** One of them would inevitably give in, and the two of them would be tired. They would each get ready for bed and lay there, sometimes they would talk, sometimes they were too exhausted for it.

Tonight was the former.

“Aren’t you cold?” Kageyama asked, rolling over to look down at Tsukki who laid on the futon which had become permanently set up in Kageyama’s room.

“A bit, but not really, I have a long sleeve and a jumper on, I’m not gonna die.”

“You could just come up here you know?” Kageyama offered. But it wasn’t like the last time he had offered. That time was purely a nicety, perhaps a peace offering at best. This time, despite what he would tell himself, was to test the waters. He may have forgotten a lot of things, but the difference between the way he looked at a friend and something more, was not one of them. However, he was of course hesitant as he recalled every conversation Tsukki and him had about what their relationship used to look like. Strained, angry, annoyed, unpleasant.

But the fact that Tsukki was here, and they were friendly had to mean something didn’t it? 

“Are you sure?” Tsukki asked.

“Yeah, sure, it’ll keep me warm too.” Kageyama brushed off his nerves as he pulled back his covers a bit, patting the spot next to him. Tsukki climbed out of the blankets, waddling over to the edge of the bed before sliding in next to Kageyama.

Warm. Kageyama instantly felt warm, and he couldn’t tell if it was because he was blushing so much he must have turned a tomato red, or if Tsukki was just a heater. But either way he let out a content sigh, snuggling further into the blankets. “Better?” He asked Tsukki.

“Warm.” He seemed to pull up more of the blankets to his chin. Kageyama could only just make out his features in the little light from the moon, maybe it was worse that he could see his features while he spoke

“I don’t want to hate you again.” He said, it almost came out in a whisper, a confession just for him and the night, but of course Tsukki would hear it too. His heart was racing.

“What makes you say that?”

“I just thought about when I get my memories back… what if I start to hate you again? I don’t want to hate you.”

“I don’t want you to hate me either. But… I guess it’s a problem that we’ll have to deal with when we get to it. But… I didn’t like you before this and now I… I do. So, we’ll just have to hope that the memories we have now, outway the ones we had before for you.”

“You like me?”

“Don’t get a big head about it.”

Kageyama laughed before his face screwed up again, “what if you start to hate me again? What if I do all the stuff that used to annoy you?”

“Well now you know it annoys me, and that’ll be up to you if it’s worth not doing those things anymore, I guess.”

“That’s not really comforting.”

“I know. Uncertainty isn’t really comforting, the harsh reality is the part of you that knew me before might never come back... But that’s okay, I’m still me, you’re still you and we can just figure out everything as it comes.”

Kageyama likes the way he says ‘we’.

“That’s surprisingly more comforting. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

-

The next morning they had woken up in each others arms. It was unfamiliar and daunting, not just for Kageyama but Tsukki as well. When he realised that Kageyama was still asleep, curled up to his body, his head against his chest and an arm slung over his waist, he wasn't sure what to do with himself.

So he did nothing, instead, not wanting to disturb Kageyama he shut his eyes, pretending to go back to sleep again. Before his arm went dead, Kageyama wiggled awake, rubbing his eyes, Tsukki peaked through a tiny crack in his eyes, just enough that Kageyama wouldn’t be able to tell he was awake. 

Tsukki had expected him to move back, or at the very least get himself out of the situation entirely. However, instead, he did the polar opposite, and sighed, moving his arm back around his waist and pulling himself further towards Tsukki’s body, comfortably nestling his head under Tsukki’s chin.

Now Tsukki really didn’t know what to do with himself. 

He knew he didn’t hate it. As much as he never would have wanted to admit it, but how was he supposed to go on from here? Was Kageyama a crush? Did he really feel that way about him? He had never felt this way about anyone, it was all uncharted territory, but he knew, this isn’t something that he wanted to do with Yamaguchi. He didn’t want to share a bed with him, or pull him in even closer. He didn’t want to hold his hand, or hug him, or kiss the top of his head like he could do so easily the way they were laying in that moment. 

It was all strange, confusingly strange. So he started with putting his arm around Kageyama back, pulling him in even closer. At first he felt Kageyama tense under his touch, it easily gave away that Tsukki was awake, and had realised what Kageyama had done. But then he relaxed again, perhaps realising that the feeling was mutual, whatever that feeling was. 

-

Two weeks later and Kageyama was back at school, settling back into his old routines as best as he could. At first Tsukki had assumed that they would go back to how they had been before, he had his own friends and so did Tsukki. But as he began to walk away when they entered the gates, a firm hand gripped at his own, a terrified Kageyama looking back at him. 

Tsukki walked towards him again, slipping his hand into Kageyama’s properly, keeping their interlaced hands behind both their backs as people swarmed the both of them, asking Kageyama how he was feeling. Kageyama’s cheeks turned a light shade of pink as Tsukki gripped his hand a little tighter. “I’m okay, Tsukki has been helping me so…” He trailed off.

“Oh well that’s… nice of him.” One girl said, barely giving Tsukki a glance as she went back to demanding answers from Kageyama. 

“Alright, jeez, Kageyama has class, like five minutes ago, so if you’re all done overwhelming him, we’re gonna go.” Tsukki rolled his eyes, taking his hand out of Kageyama’s to guide him through the crowd.

“Thanks.” Kageyama said. Tsukki nodded slightly, keeping his arm somewhat around Kageyama’s shoulders as they walked towards his classroom. The eyes practically burned into the side of Tsukki’s head as he suddenly realised and went to lower his arm, before Kageyama grabbed his hand, pulling it back around his shoulders, smirking slightly to no one in particular. 

“Let them stare.” He said. A challenge. 

Tsukki huffed a laugh and confidently adjusted his arm to comfortably walk across the school campus. Yes, they were all staring. If not for the fact that Kageyama was back after his much talked about injury, thor for the fact that Tsukki was back after supposedly helping to nurse him back to health, then it was the arm, draped across Kageyama’s shoulder and the way they both smirked, talking casually as though they had never been at each others throats.

“Morning.” Yamaguchi leaned on one of the lockers shortly after Kageyama had waved goodbye and stepped into his classroom. Tsukki had told him to message if he needed anything, noticing how nervous Kageyama had looked to step into the classroom, away from Tsukki for the first time in a few weeks. 

As soon as he was gone, Tsukki found that his side was abnormally empty in a way it never had been. He frowned to himself, and had shoved his hands back in his pockets, going to move towards his own classroom before the smug Yamaguchi appeared beside him. 

“What?” Tsukki asked, but he already knew the conversation that was going to be had, part of him just wanted to get it over and done with. “Am I going to have to hear about you and Kageyama from every student and their dog, or are you going to tell me eventually?”

“Tell you what?” He played dumb.

“Right.”

“I don’t know what you want me to tell you. The last few weeks have been easy, we’re weirdly getting along.”

“I’ve heard it’s more than getting along.”

“Says who?”

“Says the mass of students coming up to me this morning, demanding to know why two of my teammates were dating.”

“We’re not dating.”

“But you want to be?” Yamaguchi leaned towards him, one eyebrow raised. Tsukki gently shoved his face away, walking into the classroom to take his regular spot. But he knew Yamaguchi wasn’t going to let this go. “Wait, do you actually?” He whispered, leaning forwards, “I was mostly teasing but does  _ the _ Tsukishima Kei actually like someone? Let alone Kageyama Tobio?”

Tsukki whipped his head around and furrowed his eyebrows, “I don’t know. Can you keep your voice down?” He said. It was the first time he had said out loud, anything other than flat out denial, or a dismissive comment. It almost shocked even him. 

“Shit,” Yamaguchi said, “have you told him?”

“Do you think I’ve told him?”

“No of course not.”

Tsukki tilted his head, “my thoughts exactly.”

“Are you going to tell him?”

“Don’t know.”

Yamaguchi thought about this for a while, even leaning back in his chair, eyes somewhere else entirely as Tsukki practically heard the cogs turning in his head. Finally he leaned back forwards, “I think you should.”

“Based on what exactly?”

“I might have… seen you guys, a bit before you got to Kageyama’s classroom, I don’t think I’ve seen you look so, out of your own head before, and Kageyama seems to genuinely like you.”

Tsukki’s face goes red now, he can feel it, and so he makes his best effort to turn around before Yamaguchi notices, leaning back in his chair. He supposes Yamaguchi gets the message because he leans back too. He knows Tsukki well enough to know when he should and shouldn’t pry, it’s why Tsukki likes having him around, he doesn’t need to explain himself, not really.

What would happen if he told Kageyama? Would he back away? Would it ruin their finally fixed relationship? Would he deny him? 

Their morning a few days ago told him that he had nothing to worry about, but he had never been good at feelings, how could he possibly know that Kageyama would want the same thing? And what was it exactly that he even wanted?

Tsukki was driven by logic, everything about logic is sure. There is a known result to your actions, a solution to the problem. It was all he knew, all he had to rely on. But not when it came to other people and feelings, you can’t know exactly what someone else is feeling, you just have to trust their actions and words, Tsukki wasn’t great at that. His brain felt scrambled, why do feelings make you so stupid?

What was the logical next step?

He guessed it would probably be to tell him, and accept the answer, whatever that answer may be. I mean, it’s what Yamaguchi expected him to do, and he was a bit more well versed in romance than he would ever be.

Romance.

Is that what this is? Maybe. Though his face still scrunches up at the thought. But if it was just him, and Kageyama, and the ease that surrounded them when they were together, he didn’t think putting a label on it would be as painful as it seems. As long as their relationship stayed the same, except he could do all the things he had been wanting to do, to try. Maybe it didn’t seem so scary.

-

A week later and Kageyama had grown distant. Tsukki couldn’t figure out what was wrong, what had changed. Had he done something?

The final straw came when he found Kageyama leaning his head on his knees, in the corner of the volleyball court. He was just sitting there, frowning slightly while he moved the volleyball under his palms, rolling it from one hand to the other, as if he was trying to analyse the way it moved.

Everyone had finished practice and Tsukki was trying to get his breathing back to normal as he drank from his water bottle. Yamaguchi just pats his shoulder before he leaves, saying nothing before closing the door behind everyone. 

Tsukki takes the water bottle out of his mouth, and starts walking towards Kageyama. He had been sitting in on the last few practices they have had, watching, trying to learn. Though Coach Ukai wants him to sit out a little longer before he joins any of the intense practices. 

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong yet?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” He mumbled, getting up off the floor, he’s going to move past Tuskki, to make a quick escape, but Tsukki quickly swings him around to face him. “Tell me what’s wrong, don’t lie to me.”

It was like a snap in him, a break that he had been holding back as his eyes well up and he takes a step back from Tsukki. “You wanna know what’s wrong? I feel so guilty that it makes me want to vomit, I can’t do anything without that guilt in my stomach.” His voice is raised, and if it weren’t for the tears that are threatening to roll down his cheeks, Tsukki might have yelled back.

“What? What are you guilty for?” He opted for instead.

“I feel like I’m stealing someone else’s life, and then completely fucking it up!”

“How are you fucking it up? And how are you stealing anything from anyone?” Now his voice was slightly raised too.

“You don’t get it. You never will.” He goes to turn around again.

“Then help me out here! Help me get it! Please.” He’s yelling now.

Kageyama turns around and the tears are there, down his cheeks, and Tsukki wants to calm him down but his feet are frozen, and he’s angry, and nothing is making sense. 

“I woke up, in a body that I barely recognised, surrounded by faces I didn’t know. I’m friends with different people than I was friends with before before. I can’t play volleyball, I don’t know the rules, and yet it’s all anyone talks to me about, about how I wanted to go to the olympics one day, about how good I am. My family has to explain so much to me that I should already know and… I don’t hate you like I think I’m supposed to.” He stops, moving forward with each of his next words, still yelling, less like he was angry at Tsukki, and more that he was angry at himself, at the world.

“I feel guilty that I don’t remember all of these friendships I’m supposed to have, and the meaning those friendships are supposed to hold. I feel guilty that I don’t care about volleyball the way I did, or that the olympics don’t seem like the goal that they should be. I feel guilty that I can’t remember my mum’s favourite tea, or my sister’s birthday.” He stops again, his mouth quivering as he stands a few steps away from Tsukki.

“I feel guilty that the one person I’ve been told I could never hold a calm conversation with, is the one person that I want to have all my conversations with. That the one person I’m supposed to hate, is the one person I love…”

Tsukki’s eyes widened.

“I feel guilty because I know the person I was before might not have ever wanted to feel that way about you. He might have liked someone else who will never know, and he might have lived a life I can’t achieve. I feel guilty because everyone is expecting me to be someone I’m not anymore… but then who am I if I’m not him? I’m just an empty mind in a stolen body.”

Tsukki doesn’t know what to say, and yet again he’s fighting his brain and mouth to unfreeze, to say something, anything. But he doesn’t, and Kageyama is turning away again, crossing his arms over his chest.

_ Stop him. Stop him. Stop him. _

“I meant what I said,” Tsukki blurted out, it luckily got his attention as he stopped walking, he didn’t turn around though. Tsukki took this as an invitation to continue, “about figuring it out together. I meant it. I know you can’t remember people, or the feelings attached to them, but they remember you. If you think about it in a negative way, of course it sucks that you don’t remember what they remember. But the people who love you will understand, and you have the rest of your life to make different memories to attach to those people, or not, if that’s what you want.” Tsukki hesitantly started to move forward, like his feet were finally free from the grips that had been holding him there.

“Volleyball isn’t the only thing in the world, you can do whatever you want to, or you can learn it again, it doesn’t matter, so long as you’re doing what the you of now wants to do. Learn something new, re-teach yourself something old. Try something different if the first thing doesn’t work out. Make mistakes, the old you made plenty.” Kageyama turned around then, only to squint at Tsukki but the corner of his mouth betrayed him, lifting a little into a smirk. They were close now, close enough that Tsukki could feel Kageyama’s breath against Tsukki’s neck.

“My point is, it doesn’t matter what you wanted to do a month ago, he’s gone. That sounds scary but it’s a reality, you can’t live trying to please someone who doesn’t exist, or the people who are holding onto that person that doesn't exist. Because only you have to live with yourself! You can’t feel guilty for something you had no control over, and I know that’s hard but I’m here, you said you don’t hate me, so as long as the statement stands, I’m not going anywhere King.”

Kageyama looked up, the tears have stopped and his arms dropped to his sides. “I didn’t say I don’t hate you, I said I love you.”

“I love you too.” He said, and for the first time, he could see his own feelings crystal clear, it wasn’t a mess in his head, or a series of ‘I don’t know’s’. It was love. Whatever love meant for Tsukki, is how he felt for Kageyama.

Suddenly he felt warm, and he couldn’t tell if it was because of the way his cheeks went red or the way Kageyama held him close, or maybe it was his lips against Tsukki’s own and the way Tsukki pulled him in even closer during it.

He was pretty sure he had blacked out until finally they separated, all he could do was look into the others eyes.

They wouldn’t talk to the others about what had happened in that hour, for weeks to come. They didn’t want to. It was for them, and they would decide when to let everyone else into their own world. 

-

That day was decidedly three weeks later. Tsukki had begun to feel worried after a morning of no messages from Kageyama. There was no good morning, or ‘oi, get your ass over here!’ to wake up to as he ran late for school. Just the pit of dread in his stomach as he entered the school gates and headed towards the volleyball court.

He was still looking down at his phone as he bumped into someone ahead of him. “Hey watch where you’re- Yamaguchi?”

“There you are! Guess what just happened while we were warming up?”

“I’m a bit preoccupied, have you seen-”

“Kageyama’s memories came back.”

Tsukki’s heart stopped.

“Well… some of them. He was just having his nap, you know how he does in the morning while he’s waiting for you to finish practice? Anyway he...”

Tsukki’s head started spinning and there was no way he could properly pay attention to the words leaving Yamaguchi’s mouth. Instead he spiralled, it was their worst fears confirmed. Of course Tsukki was happy for him to have his memories back, but what if he _ did  _ remember Tsukki? Go back to the way things were? Realising Tsukki was suddenly unbearable to be around again. He had to prepare for the worst. He  _ was _ preparing for the worst.

The last few weeks would be nothing but a mistake to him, waking up in each other’s beds, getting lunch together most days. Kageyama, Tsukki and the other first years all getting along in their group of five. The small dates, the kisses on the forehead when they thought the other was sleeping. 

“Are you even listening?”

“Does he remember me? F-from before?”

Yamaguchi cocked an eyebrow and tried to conceal his smirk. Kageyama and Tsukki hadn’t said anything to the others, no. But they hardly needed to, all it would be is confirmation. “Yeah, he does.”

Tsukki’s stomach dropped further, if that was even possible, and he thought he might be sick. He swallowed the lump in his throat. “He hasn’t really said anything about you though… or any of it, I think he’s a bit in shock, or overwhelmed that so much came back at once, usually it’s slower. He’s just been sitting with his knees to his chest, his eyes darting around the room like he’s looking for something.”

Tsukki’s phone buzzes, and he looks down quickly.

**King:** Where are you?

Tsukki gulped. What if he was disgusted now at the time that they spent together? Disgusted at Tsukki?

He drew in a shuttered breath and walked a little faster to the courts, may as well get it over and done with. He was prepared for disappointment, like he always had been. “Tsukki.” Hinata said as soon as he was close. Tsukki looked him in the eyes, meeting his concerned gaze before moving past him, onto the courts. Just as Yamaguchi had described, Kageyama was sat with his back against the wall, knees to his chest, and two other students beside him. His eyes flickered up to Tsukki.

Tsukki thinks his heart stopped, he had been crying. Kageyama’s eyes widened when their eyes met and soon he was scrambling to stand up. Tsukki’s fight or flight kicks in and he’s frozen in place yet again as Kageyama approaches quickly. He thought for a second that he might punch Tsukki.

But instead Kgaeyama’s arms fly open and wrap around Tsukki’s neck. Tsukki’s brain finally comes back to, and he’s wrapping his arms around Kageyama back, sighing a breath of relief. “W-we’re in this together right?” He asks, and it’s more of a whisper than anything.

“Right.” Tsukki replies, “as long as you want me to stick around.”

“Please don’t ever leave.” He says, and despite all the eyes now on them, Tsukki lifts his chin and places a kiss on his lips. “Then I never will.”

-

“At least you weren’t placing bets.” Tsukki said, during lunch the same day. Kageyama sitting on his lap, laying against Tsukki’s chest, trying to sleep, but ultimately failing because everyone was making far too much noise. “Well… Kageyama and I did.” Hinata said.

“You what?” He snaked his neck around to look Kageyama in his guilty eyes.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he grumbled, “Hinata had told me we were in a long running competition before I lost my memories, and that he wanted to bet that we would get together.”

Kageyama turned slightly to make eye contact with Tsukki, he was blushing a little, “I said there was no chance you liked me, so I might have… bet against us getting together?”

Tsukki shook his head, “disappointed.”

Kageyama shoved him lightly, “best twenty dollars I ever lost.”

“At least no one else did?” Tsukki looked around the circle at more guilty faces. 

“We might have conned some first years out of their money knowing you would both get together.” Yachi said, laughing nervously. 

“You what?” Kageyama asked, moving again so his head was perfectly under Tsukki’s chin. 

“I mean we all knew you guys would, but they only really had experience with what your relationship was like before Kageyama’s injury and based on that they might have-”

“Thought there was no chance?” Tsukki raised an eyebrow.

“Maybe,” Yachi said, “let it be known Yamaguchi and I had full faith in you both though, 250 dollars of full faith.”

“You scammed 250 dollars out of the first years?!” Kageyama asked.

“All together! Not separately!” She defended.

“That doesn’t make it any better!”

“Sure, but it was definitely better for my bank account.” Yamaguchi grinned, like he had done nothing wrong.

“You’re evil.” Tsukki laughed.

“Learnt it from you.” He retorted.

“Nah, he’s soft if you really dust off the cobwebs on his shrivelled heart.” Kageyama sighed.

“Hey, what the fuck?”

“It was a compliment.” He said, slipping his hand into Tsukkis, and he wanted to fight back, make a retort, but he would do anything to stay exactly as they were now, hand in hand, happy and together. So he would save his retorts for a less sunny day, and enjoy the now. 

The future was something they would figure out together.


End file.
